Fairies dancing around, casting magic upon her, leaving her
spellbound. Sparkles and glitters fill the air as if the sky let loose of all
the colors. The birds from unknown lands singing and unicorns tapping oh! How
Beautiful!! She is twirling, leaping as if flying reaching for the stars oh!
What an extraordinary world!
Then a sudden yet familiar voice breaks her away from the
prettiest trances and forces her sleepiness to be awakened.
“Please don’t go, don’t leave me and your daughter please I
am begging you. What would I do without you please I am begging you don’t leave
me please Ray don’t leave!!” said her sobbing mother as she fell at her
father’s feet.
He held her “listen to me what are you doing huh! Look at yourself;
you are stronger than this okay! Get a hold of yourself! Have faith in me
everything will be fine okay and I know that you can do anything.”
“Why don’t you understand you’ve a family? A daughter who
doesn’t even what is happening and a wife who’d be in ruins if you leave.
Please don’t! Don’t leave me I love you, I need you, I need you more than
anything.”
“Look at me now you realize there is a war at rage. There is
destruction everywhere. Now I know that you’re strong and I love you so you
have to let me go Joanne you know and I know I have to go.”
She wasn’t giving up easily, holding him back for as long as
she could “No! No! Please don’t leave. They have so many people out there let
them do what they want to do; I am begging you don’t leave me. I don’t want to
lose you, I don’t want to let you go, I love you.”
He embraced her. Her tears wetting his uniform. He stroked
her hairs, calming her down “shh! You’re going to be just fine and I am going
to make everything all good.”
Meanwhile he saw her hiding, listening to them. She walked
towards him and asked “where are you going Daddy?”
“Oh! Angel I am sorry we woke you up. I have to go Daddy got
some important work to do. But don’t worry I’ll be back, till then I want a
promise from you will you do it?”
She nodded agreeably.
He resumed “I want you to take care of your mommy and of
yourself. Do not leave her side and take care.”
He hugged her and kissed her forehead, “good girl. I’ll be
back soon till then you two take care.”
He left in haste. Her mother composed herself and tucked her
in. Her sudden fall into the trap of loneliness made her lie next to her
daughter. To avoid the awful despondence between them she began to sing her to
sleep, the same song he used to sing “in the jungle, the mighty jungle the lion
sleeps tonight, in the jungle, in the mighty jungle the lion sleeps tonight.”
This was going to be a long night for both of them.
Joanne was a wreck. She would spend her days looking down at
the window, waiting and waiting. She had to force down ugly tasting syrups, a
backload of pills and what-not down her throat just to keep herself going. Whenever she asks the purpose behind all
these pills the doctor tells her “these are happy pills, they will make your
mommy happy again.”
Eating her up inside and all she knew that these were happy
pills. Her mother was crushed. At night she used to wander into the darkness
restlessly. Others thought of her as being mad, clearly happy pills weren’t
working their magic. A fortnight had gone by and things were starting to
change, but not for good.
War was closing in. Situations came to a haul and compelled
them to move away. Her last morning it was the first thought that came to her
as she woke up. He was gone. And soon this bedroom, the house in whose eastern
corner it sat, and the tiny garden outside with its gnarled old red hibiscus
and the half grown mango tress they had planted together, all those would be
gone as well. It was the strangest feeling ever.
Her mother ruggedly packed all that she could in those fast
passing last moments. No matter how hard
she tried she could never take away everything along with her.
She stares at the walls, staring into the emptiness maybe
trying to figure out a conclusion for all that was happening around her. Her
innocence was brimming with questions “why mom and dad did have a fight? Where
did Daddy go? What was wrong with mom? Why were they moving away? Will
everything come to an end?” and so on but sadly, they all remained unanswered.
Her tiny steps walking away as everything began to fade into
nothingness. She looks back for as long as could, savoring the moments, the
aura and all the other things that resided in that very place.
It was during the dark hours they sneaked to the shelters
and the camps set up by the relief groups. They were among the thousands to
arrive at the shelter. All that could be seen were people mobbing their way in,
pushing each other, people fighting, snatching, and being mean to one another
for a loaf of bread, water and what not.
Even the army fell less in front of the suffering civilians.
While making their way in though holding each other tight
Joanne stumbled under the feet of desperate people. Her screams were useless as
he throat fell small against the tidal wave of the howling crowd. Yet she
didn’t give upon her mother. She swam her way through the people and found her
mother cramped up in a corner, wounded and dusted. She was shaking so she
covered Joanne with whatever rag she found.
The place was congested; nooks and crannies were the only
refuge they found themselves safe in.
Her mother had been burning with fever. For days they went without food.
Witnessing her mother’s collapsing condition the starvation compelled her down
to nibble on the trash.
They had been stimulating themselves to the new unusual
lifestyle just when at dawn her mother’s soar voice woke her up. She ran out to
fetch some water. By the time she came back something felt strange. She called out to her mother but she didn’t
revive. Her mother was cold as ice. She tried rubbing her hands and feet but
nothing worked. She was pale. Her very touch felt lifeless. She was shaking her
up but all her efforts went wasted.
Petrified she ran out and called people for help. A handful of
them came and she was confronted by the bitter verity. The soul had left her mother’s body. The light was gone from her stunned eyes. Her
mother had given up. She never needed
any happy pills instead the only thing that could have brought a smile to her
face was living as a family. She lost the fight against life, the life that
became unbearable for her to live devastating for her to go on. She lost it,
once and for all. The thirst to live was long gone.
Never before she had to deal with death. She was unable to
grasp what passing away exactly meant. She kept telling everybody that her
mother was sleeping or playing a game with her. Maturity doesn’t stand equated
with mere childishness. Some told her that her mother had gone to some better
place, that she found redemption, some said that she had become an angel but
she didn’t listen to anyone. That day and the day after and the days to come
all she was death and others being abandoned in the whole wide dangerous world.
He arrived when he came to know, at the time when his
daughter was on the verge of the vulnerability. She was gone and he had to
explain her truth. He tried to make her understand but all she said was “they
took mommy away I tried stopping them but they took her away Daddy.” She tried
proving her father that she tried to keep up with the promise but nothing
stands in front of the inevitable.
He was broken, shattered as if lost a piece of himself. She
would look up at the sky that wasn’t even blue, it was grey, smoked and she
thought to herself that how long was she going to go on like this? How long
will it last?
They say that creation arises out of the ashes of
destruction. When the war was over it became quiet. It wasn’t peaceful but it
was quiet. Everyone was playing the game of pretension as if everything was
back on track. They were adjusting to this odd quiet atmosphere.
But her dad was not the same man he used to be. He didn’t
have the strength to communicate to his own daughter so he took to
uncomfortable silences. He would rarely
mingle with anyone rather choose to stay in his room. He began filling up his
void with sour burning shiny bottles of liquor. Although he was with her but
she never felt his presence.
There were so many questions running wild in her mind but
she kept them to herself. Her fear, her anxiety left her inquisitiveness
bounded. She was deserted. She realized that how less of innocence was left in
her. Her eight year old self had seen it all- she had witnessed the meaningless
bombarding that made her question that “who would be so insane to kill people?”
And how cheap human life cease to be during the times when survival becomes a
fight and your always on this peculiar edge of a doubtful life.
Her only companion- the teddy bear.
